So Microsoft has sent CEO Steve Ballmer out on the circuit to pitch this great new idea: free software really isn’t free, we own it, and you owe us money. Oh, that lovable Microsoft…

Whether or not there is any validity or legal grounds for this, I’m not really going to get into. Plenty of others are already foaming at the mouth over this and plenty have very good thoughts on the matter – is Microsoft just rushing to patent everything and anything it can – even things they never intend to make – so they can never truly lose their arms race with Google and Apple (and Yahoo and the like)?

Here is what I love about all of this: I just imagine Microsoft sitting around last week during the whole HD-DVD/Digg fiasco (Microsoft is a backer of HD-DVD) and thinking ‘this is nothing, no one is going to remember this a few days from now, lets show this little Internet company how to make some really big, long-lasting waves and piss people off!’

Then like the scene in The Fellowship of the Ring where the Ringwraiths are dispatched from Minus Morgul to The Shire – the huge black doors opening up and a high-pitch bloody SHRIEK let out – so too was Steve Ballmer sent forth from Microsoft HQ.

Seriously, who is in charge of Microsoft’s PR? Did someone think one day: ’screw this Google fight, lets take it to the little guy, lets go after the open-source community and dick them over!’?

Is this because Dell recently starting shipping systems with Linux on them? Does Microsoft want to push more people to Apple? I’m at a loss here.

Again, not speaking from whether or not it’s Microsoft right (technically) to do this, but just from a common sense PR approach, this tactic from a company that already isn’t looked that fondly upon seems like the dumbest, most arrogant move in the history of dumb, arrogant moves.

Hey Microsoft, why don’t you just start charging cancer children royalties since some of the machines helping to keep them alive are no doubt running computer software? At least they probably wouldn’t raise as much hell on the Internet in the coming months as the open-source community is going to.

Oh wait, it gets even better:

If push comes to shove, would Microsoft sue its customers for royalties, the way the record industry has?

“That’s not a bridge we’ve crossed,” says CEO Ballmer, “and not a bridge I want to cross today on the phone with you.”

Big Brother isn’t just watching, he’s going to sue you!

More on this: Patent Law Blog | Channel 9 | Engadget | CNet | Scobleizer

Hell, just go here: TechMeme