Like everyone else, I used to be a big fan of Fake Steve Jobs. Then he was revealed to be Dan Lyons. The magic was over. The 15 minutes was over. He had to go back to doing his actual job — though not before he got a book out of it. But it can be hard to go back.
Today, Lyons writes a post disguised as a takedown of my Kindle tablet scoop from a few weeks back. But if you go one layer deeper, it’s clear what he’s actually writing about. In the words of Roger Murtaugh, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
Lyons’ key line:
We would all be better off if we waited for companies to actually announce actual products before we worked ourselves up into a frenzy reporting and discussing their specs and features.
Ha. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard such a clear and concise capitulation by a reporter. Yes, let’s all sit back and wait for the press release.
The key point is that Lyons is too lazy to get off his ass and work for scoops like this one. He’s too old for this shit.
He tries to wrap his wording in the blanket of me being inaccurate. But once again, Lyons dives head-first into jackassery by not doing his homework.
While Lyons cites my first post, he completely missed the second one. You know, the one where I nail the name, the processor, the release date, and say the price is in flux (though, to be fair, I thought it would actually go up, not down).
This is a pattern for Lyons. He wants to write something, so he does the minimal amount of work possible, then writes it. It leads to situations like this. Which leads to him apologizing for being wrong. Or just looking like an ass.
Normally, I’d say that this move goes beyond jackassery and into pure dickheadedness. But — well I guess I just did.
While Lyons oddly doesn’t call me out by name in this most recent post, he has in about a half dozen other posts over the past few weeks. It’s both flattering and disturbing. And it all points to the same thing.
Here it led Lyons to conflate rumor reporting with actual reporting. As he writes:
The point is that nobody ever really knows what some company is going to announce. So it is futile and pointless to make predictions like this, and it’s irrational to believe the predictions you read. All of this predicting new products based on rumors ends up being nothing more than a giant pointless circle jerk, over and over again.
The information was not a prediction. Nor was it a rumor. I saw the device. I held it in my hands. I used it. Yes, a few bits of information changed over time, but that happens. When I learned of the changes, I reported them. The core scoop remains. I reported that the Amazon tablet was coming, what it looked like, and all the basics. That’s exactly what we saw today.
Lyons reported nothing — not because he wouldn’t have, but because he knew nothing. Let’s be very clear about that.
The truth is that Lyons has basically moved on from reporting. The only thing people read him for now is now satire. It’s a schtick. And schticks get old. Especially when you’re proven wrong again and again.
Worse, his schtick is extremely cynical. Garbage like this is humorous at first — until you realize where it comes from: from a man who clearly doesn’t understand technology anymore. Worse, he seems to hate it, perhaps because of his lack of understanding.
He disguises it as humor, but his schtick is laziness, pure and simple.
My only remaining advice for Lyons: retire Dan, you’re clearly getting too old for this shit.