Apple will not release iPad 3 at Macworld or CES

Other things Apple will not be releasing at events they don’t put on this year include:

  • iGun
  • The iPad 4, 5, 6, or 7
  • Apple Ham Radio
  • The Kraken
  • Apple+
  • The iPhone 5, 6, 7, 8, or — get this — 9
  • Apple Petting Zoo
  • BioDome 4
  • An Android phone
  • Their blow out Q1 earnings
  • Puppies

Actually, maybe puppies. Sources cannot confirm or deny this.