The iPhone Bleeds Lumia Cyan, According To Siri. Or Wolfram Alpha. Or Best Buy. Sometimes. Maybe. Actually, No.

Well, Jim Dalrymple beat me to making fun of this, but what the hell, it’s Friday.

Earlier today, a thread starting passing around the Internet pointing out something worth a chuckle: when you ask Siri what the best smartphone is, it responds with the Nokia Lumia 900. The cyan version from AT&T, to be exact.

That’s it — end of debate! Shut Apple down and pay the money back to the shareholders. The Lumia 900 is clearly killing off the iPhone. Well, except if you consider sales. And user happiness. But whatever, Siri says so!

But wait. Does Siri even say so? After a series of never-ending clicks, I believe I was able to trace this “story” back to its roots. Dalrymple linked to AppleInsider, which links to TheNextWeb (hi Robin!), which links to ZUnited, which links to WMPoweruser. (CNet tried to insert itself into the conversation too, but well, it was this guy.)

Appropriately, it was a game of telephone that led to “Which is the best cellphone ever?” evolving into “what is the best smartphone ever?” Along the way, there were several reports of different answers — for example, I get nothing when I ask about the best smartphone ever and I get “I think you’ve already answered that question, MG.” when I ask for the best cellphone ever. Cute.

But people definitely are seeing the Lumia 900 pop up, the screenshots prove it! How could Apple let such a thing fly? Because it has nothing to do with Apple. The answer comes from Wolfram Alpha, Siri’s top data partner. And the fact of the matter is that in this case, the data sucks.

Wolfram Alpha passed the Lumia 900 to Siri simply because it’s the first on this list. But if you look closely at that list, you’ll note that several phones receive the highest “5” rating — 29 of them, by my count. And that list includes three models of the iPhone (two different versions of the iPhone 4S — the 64GB white model from Verizon and Sprint, sorry, AT&T). They’re simply not the first listed.

But again, this list is shit. It’s data from Best Buy based on user ratings. The Lumia 900 in question is “#1” with a whopping 5 user reviews. Number 2 on the list is this phone — I mean, just look at it! — which has a whole one five-star user review. Number 3 on the list is the HP refurbished Touchpad. Yes, the Touchpad. Number 3 best smartphone ever.

Need I go on?

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