Defragging only makes sense with those spinning drives (remember them?). If parts of files are dispersed among the disk, read/write performance suffers because the write head has to move quite a bit to read the entire file. Flash memory won't get faster when you defrag because there is no physical write head; defragging an SSD on a regular basis would merely decrease its lifetime.
Are you telling me the Surface Pro doesn’t have a floppy drive? Pro my ass. Total non-starter.
(I was kidding. Sort of.)