Matthew Lynn, January 14, 2007:

To its many fans, Apple is more of a religious cult than a company. An iToaster that downloads music while toasting bread would probably get the same kind of worldwide attention.

And:

Don’t let that fool you into thinking that it matters. The big competitors in the mobile-phone industry such as Nokia Oyj and Motorola Inc. won’t be whispering nervously into their clamshells over a new threat to their business.

And:

First, Apple is late to this party. The company didn’t invent the personal computer or MP3 player, but it was among the pioneers of both products. Yet there is no shortage of phones out there. There are already big companies that dominate the space, all of whom will defend their turf. That means Apple will have to fight hard for every sale.

And:

Yet Apple has never been good at working with other companies. If it knew how to do that, it would be Microsoft Corp.

And:

Lastly, the iPhone is a defensive product. It is mainly designed to protect the iPod, which is coming under attack from mobile manufacturers adding music players to their handsets.

And:

It won’t come from the iPhone. Apple will sell a few to its fans, but the iPhone won’t make a long-term mark on the industry.

Nailed it.

I mean…

I’m absolutely flabbergasted. Where to begin? Nokia Oyj?!

Hindsight is 20/20 and all that. But come on. What a huge jackass. If he had said the exact opposite of everything he said, he would have been much closer to the truth than he was.

[thanks Tobin]

iThinkNot.

Reads like parody, but is sadly just click bait. Click bait spread over three pages, no less.

Some of the intro is pretty great though:

I tell you this because about 55 million of your fellow tech consumers have been lining up like lemmings, getting ready to jump off the iPad cliff, once again. Don’t get me wrong. I acknowledge that there is some value to an iPad. But just because all your friends are buying the latest and greatest “new” iPad (what we previously thought would be the iPad 3), that doesn’t mean you have to, as well.

Reads even better when you consider the ending:

Yes, I’ve ordered one.

So what are the 16 reasons? Well, one is “you already have an iPad”, stating that the odds are that you already have an iPad — because clearly most people in the world already do. Another is that Apple doesn’t allow porn in the App Store. Another is that it’s too big, which directly contradicts the earlier stated reason that the screen is too small. Related: another is that “it’s still not 16x9”. 

The rest range from poorly thought-out, to poorly argued, to garbage.

Truly great list.

Stunning work of technology journalism. This is two months old. And previously reported.

Watch front and center as the last great bastion of journalistic integrity dives face first into a huge pile of shit.

Then opens his mouth.

And Eats. It. All.

Remember a month ago when Robert X. Cringely predicted that there would soon be an “insurrection” at Apple to overthrow Tim Cook?

“If you are wondering when Apple will peak, well we’re about there folks,” Cringely wrote.

Since then, Apple has posted holy-fucking-shit earnings (in their first official quarter under Cook). And the company is now a full $100 billion more valuable than it was when Steve Jobs passed away.

Apple’s stock nearly touched $500 a share today. It will probably hit it tomorrow. The company’s market cap surged past $450 billion. It will hit $500 billion soon.

The second most valuable company in the world is Exxon — at $400 billion. Apple is worth more than Microsoft and Google — combined.

What’s the opposite of an insurrection?