#jackassery

Casey Johnson:

Motorola Atrix 4G owners will not get the Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich update the company promised them, according to a newly revised upgrade chart. The phones will continue to run Android 2.3 Gingerbread, dealing another blow to the integrity of Google’s upgrade program.

This would be pathetic if Google didn’t own this company. But they do. So it’s dually jackassified.

I’m going to break my rule of not linking to The Wall Street Journal (actually, I won’t — I’ll link to Techmeme linking to it, which will get around the paywall anyway) to link to this gem of an article.

And by “gem”, I mean “total shitshow”.

After a few paragraphs about the Maps situation which are then cast aside as irrelevant (only to be brought up later on), we get a few paragraphs that simply make no sense. The words are English, but they lack the fabric of reason to tie them together.

In summary:

Apple’s television goals will may fail because content owners mostly want one fully open system. Like now but not. Or else DISH network with skipping ads. And Apple will change to access. But won’t. While becoming Microsoft two years ago. Maps, closed. Enemies, ads, e-commerce. Netscape with. The Justice Department and HTML5, which Apple is using to subvert Apple. Pipes!

It goes on with more such gobbledygook, believe it or not. I can’t recall ever reading such a relatively short piece that was such a mess in terms of being all over the place. And this was in the paper yesterday.

Hope you took drugs before you read it.

If true, that’s total bullshit.

Update: Drew Olanoff has the note from IFTTT CEO Linden Tibbets:


  In recent weeks, Twitter announced policy changes that will affect how applications and users like yourself can interact with Twitter’s data. As a result of these changes, on September 27th we will be removing all Twitter Triggers, disabling your ability to push tweets to places like email, Evernote and Facebook. All Personal and Shared Recipes using a Twitter Trigger will also be removed. Recipes using Twitter Actions and your ability to post new tweets via IFTTT will continue to work just fine.


In other words, anything syndicating tweets out elsewhere will stop, but recipes for posting new tweets will still work. So it’s half bullshit, but still bullshit.

If true, that’s total bullshit.

Update: Drew Olanoff has the note from IFTTT CEO Linden Tibbets:

In recent weeks, Twitter announced policy changes that will affect how applications and users like yourself can interact with Twitter’s data. As a result of these changes, on September 27th we will be removing all Twitter Triggers, disabling your ability to push tweets to places like email, Evernote and Facebook. All Personal and Shared Recipes using a Twitter Trigger will also be removed. Recipes using Twitter Actions and your ability to post new tweets via IFTTT will continue to work just fine.

In other words, anything syndicating tweets out elsewhere will stop, but recipes for posting new tweets will still work. So it’s half bullshit, but still bullshit.

And while we’re calling people out

While Nilay Patel did qualify his Verge headline with the wussy “could”, he also wrote the following:

Multiple sources have confirmed to The Verge that Amazon is working on a smartphone that runs a variant of the Kindle Fire’s Android-based operating system, and we’re now hearing that the device will be shown to the press tomorrow.

The correct reporting would have been: “and we’re now hearing that the device will *not* be shown to the press tomorrow”. 

So essentially all Patel reported was what Bloomberg reported months ago. But “exclusively”, mind you. 

Google never uses their patents for offensive purposes. Except when they do.

This is the problem with these self-righteous stands. Time ends all promises, eventually. And the result is extreme hypocrisy even though you’re just doing what your rivals are doing.

Google is already trying to spin this as a defensive maneuver, but come on: it’s a new patent-infringement claim which Apple will have to defend against or risk an import ban of their devices. 

Yours truly, predicting this six months ago:

They also may find themselves suing Apple over patents and demanding a royalty for each iPhone sold.

The problem Google is likely to face is that if they aren’t agressive with the patents in the way that Motorola has been, how can they possibly hope to license them in the way they say they will? Who would license something when they don’t have to? This is a slippery slope. 

Bigger picture: after going on and on about the dubious patent tactics by rivals like Apple and Microsoft (and rightfully so in most cases), Google may find themselves in the same position thanks to this Motorola deal.

Matthew Lynn, January 14, 2007:

To its many fans, Apple is more of a religious cult than a company. An iToaster that downloads music while toasting bread would probably get the same kind of worldwide attention.

And:

Don’t let that fool you into thinking that it matters. The big competitors in the mobile-phone industry such as Nokia Oyj and Motorola Inc. won’t be whispering nervously into their clamshells over a new threat to their business.

And:

First, Apple is late to this party. The company didn’t invent the personal computer or MP3 player, but it was among the pioneers of both products. Yet there is no shortage of phones out there. There are already big companies that dominate the space, all of whom will defend their turf. That means Apple will have to fight hard for every sale.

And:

Yet Apple has never been good at working with other companies. If it knew how to do that, it would be Microsoft Corp.

And:

Lastly, the iPhone is a defensive product. It is mainly designed to protect the iPod, which is coming under attack from mobile manufacturers adding music players to their handsets.

And:

It won’t come from the iPhone. Apple will sell a few to its fans, but the iPhone won’t make a long-term mark on the industry.

Nailed it.

I mean…

I’m absolutely flabbergasted. Where to begin? Nokia Oyj?!

Hindsight is 20/20 and all that. But come on. What a huge jackass. If he had said the exact opposite of everything he said, he would have been much closer to the truth than he was.

[thanks Tobin]

Reads like parody, but is sadly just click bait. Click bait spread over three pages, no less.

Some of the intro is pretty great though:

I tell you this because about 55 million of your fellow tech consumers have been lining up like lemmings, getting ready to jump off the iPad cliff, once again. Don’t get me wrong. I acknowledge that there is some value to an iPad. But just because all your friends are buying the latest and greatest “new” iPad (what we previously thought would be the iPad 3), that doesn’t mean you have to, as well.

Reads even better when you consider the ending:

Yes, I’ve ordered one.

So what are the 16 reasons? Well, one is “you already have an iPad”, stating that the odds are that you already have an iPad — because clearly most people in the world already do. Another is that Apple doesn’t allow porn in the App Store. Another is that it’s too big, which directly contradicts the earlier stated reason that the screen is too small. Related: another is that “it’s still not 16x9”. 

The rest range from poorly thought-out, to poorly argued, to garbage.

Truly great list.