Reads like parody, but is sadly just click bait. Click bait spread over three pages, no less.
Some of the intro is pretty great though:
I tell you this because about 55 million of your fellow tech consumers have been lining up like lemmings, getting ready to jump off the iPad cliff, once again. Don’t get me wrong. I acknowledge that there is some value to an iPad. But just because all your friends are buying the latest and greatest “new” iPad (what we previously thought would be the iPad 3), that doesn’t mean you have to, as well.
Reads even better when you consider the ending:
Yes, I’ve ordered one.
So what are the 16 reasons? Well, one is “you already have an iPad”, stating that the odds are that you already have an iPad — because clearly most people in the world already do. Another is that Apple doesn’t allow porn in the App Store. Another is that it’s too big, which directly contradicts the earlier stated reason that the screen is too small. Related: another is that “it’s still not 16x9”.
The rest range from poorly thought-out, to poorly argued, to garbage.
Truly great list.
Earlier today, I broke some news.
I don’t typically do this anymore given my new job. But from time to time this will happen. But if you read The Wall Street Journal, you’d never know. Why’s that? Because they’re fuckheads who don’t credit actual sources of information.
I know, I know. I’m ranting again. But indulge me for a few minutes.
I broke the news that Apple acquired the app search/discovery platform Chomp at 4:01 PM today. At 6:06 PM — over two hours later — WSJ reported the story as well. But oddly, with no mention of my original story.
This was odd both because, again, I reported the same information two hours earlier. And because it was at the top of Techmeme, which everyone in the industry reads. And every single other publication linked to my story.
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Looks like someone woke up from his nap of the last three years and is hungry. Sadly, I don’t have much food for him. I’ll keep this as brief as possible — and I promise this will be the last thing I ever say about Dan Lyons, as he’s clearly done.
Feel free not to read. Or read Michael Arrington’s post on the matter. He takes a higher road than I’m about to. I’m just sick of Lyons’ bullshit.
The truth is that I pre-responded to Lyons earlier today before he even wrote his post. You could see it coming. What I wrote yesterday directly attacks the way he makes a living. When you do that, people get irrationally upset and write posts like the one Lyons just wrote. Just to reiterate, the line that applies here from the film Moneyball:
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Remember a month ago when Robert X. Cringely predicted that there would soon be an “insurrection” at Apple to overthrow Tim Cook?
“If you are wondering when Apple will peak, well we’re about there folks,” Cringely wrote.
Since then, Apple has posted holy-fucking-shit earnings (in their first official quarter under Cook). And the company is now a full $100 billion more valuable than it was when Steve Jobs passed away.
Apple’s stock nearly touched $500 a share today. It will probably hit it tomorrow. The company’s market cap surged past $450 billion. It will hit $500 billion soon.
The second most valuable company in the world is Exxon — at $400 billion. Apple is worth more than Microsoft and Google — combined.
What’s the opposite of an insurrection?
Reports Brian X. Chen for The New York Times:
Mr. Siegel said that even if you do exceed 2 gigabytes of data usage and qualify as one of the top 5 percent, that doesn’t absolutely mean you’re going to be throttled. AT&T will only reduce speeds for the top 5 percent of users in areas where network capacity or spectrum is insufficient, he said.
Read: only in areas where AT&T is completely incompetent. Read: San Francisco and New York City, among other places. You know, small towns that no one lives in.
What jackasses.
GigaOm’s Kevin Fitchard:
After blasting the Federal Communication Commission for “picking winners and losers” in the wireless industry by scrutinizing every deal, Stephenson claimed AT&T is now in a mobile capacity-constrained environment which has forced it to raise prices and manage connection speeds (aka throttle) for its highest volume subscribers.
As I wrote back in December:
I suspect their next move will be a lot of complaining that the government is now the reason why they’re so inept…
Total jackasses.
