#jackassery

The Wall Street Journal Is Fucking Bullshit

Earlier today, I broke some news.

I don’t typically do this anymore given my new job. But from time to time this will happen. But if you read The Wall Street Journal, you’d never know. Why’s that? Because they’re fuckheads who don’t credit actual sources of information.

I know, I know. I’m ranting again. But indulge me for a few minutes.

I broke the news that Apple acquired the app search/discovery platform Chomp at 4:01 PM today. At 6:06 PM — over two hours later — WSJ reported the story as well. But oddly, with no mention of my original story. 

This was odd both because, again, I reported the same information two hours earlier. And because it was at the top of Techmeme, which everyone in the industry reads. And every single other publication linked to my story. 

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Bat. Shit. Crazy.

Looks like someone woke up from his nap of the last three years and is hungry. Sadly, I don’t have much food for him. I’ll keep this as brief as possible — and I promise this will be the last thing I ever say about Dan Lyons, as he’s clearly done.

Feel free not to read. Or read Michael Arrington’s post on the matter. He takes a higher road than I’m about to. I’m just sick of Lyons’ bullshit.

The truth is that I pre-responded to Lyons earlier today before he even wrote his post. You could see it coming. What I wrote yesterday directly attacks the way he makes a living. When you do that, people get irrationally upset and write posts like the one Lyons just wrote. Just to reiterate, the line that applies here from the film Moneyball:

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DEAR HENRY BLODGET: Don’t Mean To Be Rude, But It’s Possible That Twitter Knows More About What It’s Doing Than You Do

Gotta love Henry Blodget. About once a week he busts out the caps lock key to draw attention to his latest rant. The best ones include some variation of the wording “don’t mean to be rude” in the title. 

The only problem is that often these missives are misguided, or flat-out wrong.

Back in October, Blodget wrote the following story: ATTENTION APPLE FANS: Samsung Blowing Past Apple To Become The Biggest Smartphone Vendor Is Not Good News. Looking back, on the surface alone, the post looks ridiculous now because — wait for it — Apple actually passed Samsung in sales again last quarter. But the real key is that his entire argument was fundamentally flawed for a number of reasons, which I laid out at the time

Anyway.

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Remember a month ago when Robert X. Cringely predicted that there would soon be an “insurrection” at Apple to overthrow Tim Cook?

"If you are wondering when Apple will peak, well we’re about there folks," Cringely wrote.

Since then, Apple has posted holy-fucking-shit earnings (in their first official quarter under Cook). And the company is now a full $100 billion more valuable than it was when Steve Jobs passed away.

Apple’s stock nearly touched $500 a share today. It will probably hit it tomorrow. The company’s market cap surged past $450 billion. It will hit $500 billion soon.

The second most valuable company in the world is Exxon — at $400 billion. Apple is worth more than Microsoft and Google — combined.

What’s the opposite of an insurrection?

Reports Brian X. Chen for The New York Times:

Mr. Siegel said that even if you do exceed 2 gigabytes of data usage and qualify as one of the top 5 percent, that doesn’t absolutely mean you’re going to be throttled. AT&T will only reduce speeds for the top 5 percent of users in areas where network capacity or spectrum is insufficient, he said.

Read: only in areas where AT&T is completely incompetent. Read: San Francisco and New York City, among other places. You know, small towns that no one lives in. 

What jackasses.

GigaOm’s Kevin Fitchard:

After blasting the Federal Communication Commission for “picking winners and losers” in the wireless industry by scrutinizing every deal, Stephenson claimed AT&T is now in a mobile capacity-constrained environment which has forced it to raise prices and manage connection speeds (aka throttle) for its highest volume subscribers.

As I wrote back in December:

I suspect their next move will be a lot of complaining that the government is now the reason why they’re so inept…

Total jackasses.

Hard to argue with this:

Dumbest thing that Google has ever done at the end RIM jokeshop, hardly douchebag, all in all Android is a total fucking mess, moreover fuckwittery on fuck.

People are stupid naturally fuck but also douchebag fuckwittery, in the main dickhead, consequently jackassery.

Fuck, what is more fuck, for this reason iPhone copy, why TouchWiz nonsense after fuck nevertheless dickhead for instance fingergate prior to TechCrunch.

Yadda, yadda, on the one hand fragmentation, finally TechCrunch.

Anonymous asked:

What's your opinion on Robert X. Cringely's recent post on his blog predicting that there will soon be an "insurrection" at Apple and Tim Cook won't be the CEO for much longer?

My professional opinion is that it’s preposterous.

My unprofessional opinion is that it’s fucking preposterous.

Is there going to be turnover at Apple in 2012? Of course. Guess what? There was turnover under Steve Jobs every year as well. Is Tim Cook — who has been acting CEO for extended periods of time twice before, remember — going to be stabbed in the back and forced out in 2012? Ha.

The sad thing is that the prediction isn’t even the most batshit crazy one that Cringely has this year. I guess when you’re about to retire you can just say whatever the hell you want and not worry about it. Good for him.

Get ready for this one — it’s huge. In fact, you better sit down.

You know the 28-day window* that studios now impose between when a DVD goes on sale and when it can be made available to rent?

It’s about to made 56 days, reports Peter Kafka.

Boom.

Hollywood is saved. DVD sales are going to flow like wine again. Everyone will be drunk. Glory days.

*sometimes known as “the bullshit 28-day window”

Following up on yesterday’s news, Verizon has decided not to charge their ridiculous $2 fee to those wanting to pay their bills online or via phone. 

Good save. But I’m with Harry McCracken: